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One other shock was finding a letter to her in her husband’s desk drawer. It had been written some time ago and talked about how he was fighting depression which he tried to deal with by watching sports. It was also the reason for his low libido. He was too macho to admit to either one of them while he was alive.It took a while but finally Tommy, a frequent presence in her home as a genuinely caring young man, finally detected Mabel’s reaching out to him for closeness. His parents already knew how much he cared for her and so his presence there did not concern them at all and he had stayed overnight a few times when he said that she was very much in need of company.This night Mabel attacked him. There was no other word to describe the fury with which she wanted naked closeness with him. She was still working through the guilt of having her husband discover her infidelity but her deep needs were also surfacing. She’d had much of a bottle of wine by the time Tommy showed up and she. ..(laughing)...Jesus...I didn't recognize...well, I'll be damned they've finally gone and done it then...well, good for Cyn; she deserves it...by the way, have you seen the first rushes yet?" and so it goes, the small-talk people make, even at funerals, the chitchat they generate clustered around sickbeds, and deathbeds, the pointless albeit essential buzz they doubtless made on the walk back from the crematoriums in the concentration camps, the firing-squads, the death marches, too... Tears have meanwhile dried in my thickly-applied make-up, so thickly-applied, in fact, that it's like a mask of sludge, so thick, to be precise, it's like my face is under an inch of mud; why, I wonder. Why--this heavy-handed, intentionally inexpert job? It's theatrical make-up, that's why, corpse make-up, that's what I suddenly realize, puddinged on the way they prepare the dead, or the slow dancing actress portraying an archetype of death on stage, her face emotionless, unblemished, vacant--serene, by.
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